It’s important understand the steps to forgiving your partner’s past, instead of trying to ignore it. Ignoring problems will only bring resentment and even more issues. There will always be a cycle we are working to break whether it’s a bad habit, toxic connection, or negative personality trait. It doesn’t matter how long the cycles have been present, as long as we acknowledge them we are on the right path. Some of us are so deep in the cycle it can feel as if it’s impossible to end. We have to remember that nothing can break us down so badly that we can’t heal from it.
Accept your own past
Stop looking at your past with embarrassment and disappointment. You were a different person back then. You’ve grown and evolved to who you are now. It’s time to forgive yourself, you deserve to heal. Once you accomplish your own healing, you are able to forgive your partner’s past. You have to be able to forgive yourself to forgive others.
Communicate how you feel
The easy way out is to bottle things up, but if you want your relationship to strengthen you have to take the more challenging option. For some it comes natural, but others communication can be very challenging. Communication can be challenging if you’ve grown up in a household where it wasn’t a common way to fix problems, if you’ve suffered from emotional or mental abuse, or if you were simply never taught the importance of it. This is something you should continue to work on in your relationship. It takes mindful discussion to fully forgive someone.
Tell them how you want to proceed
Tell them how it made you feel, the steps you want to take to heal and the steps to forgiving your partner’s past go hand in hand. Discuss how you want them to prevent the same problem from occurring again. You have to realize your partner isn’t perfect, no matter how much you love them. They make mistakes like every other person in the world. Lay out the boundaries that make you feel comfortable. Let them know your standards and how you want to proceed.
Ask yourself these questions
Are they taking action to heal themselves? Are they showing you they’ve grown, and will continue to grow to better themselves and satisfy the relationship? These are two very important things that will determine the future of the relationship. Look at their actions, if they are showing you they have moved past their negative cycles it’s time to forgive. Forgiveness certainly doesn’t happen overnight, but if you are able to show them you can leave it in the past it will make them feel more confident in themselves.
Read more on the psychology of forgiveness : https://nickwignall.com/forgiveness/