We have all dealt with loss in some degree at some point in our lives. Early on in life or later in life, continuously or only a few times, and some have never really felt loss. We all cope with loss in our own way but it is a fact that loss does affect us; some worse than others. Loss can most importantly affect the way we deal with separation. Separation from materials, people, places that we love cause reactions in our brains, thus causing reactions in the physical world that we are constantly creating. It is up to us how we react. Separation does not have to be a negative thing and it does not have to be an escape method. We can find the balance and create a sublime mindset that can handle anything life throws at us. When we fear separation, we are ignoring the fact that all the things that we love are never truly separate from us. Everything we hold dear to our hearts is one with us. There is no division in the realm of love.
If we have dealt with loss at a young age while our brains were still developing, then it may be harder to let things go in our adult lives. Like a child who has experienced a deployed parent, abandonment, or death of a loved one; their brains may associate separation with heartache and pain. On the other hand, a child who is always smothered with company and strict parents may crave separation and associate it with freedom and serenity. Family and upbringing play a tremendous role in shaping who we are today. The first step to overcoming separation anxiety is traveling back to past moments in our lives where we have experienced loss and ask ourselves how this situation could have created a destructive mindset in our developing brains.
Separation anxiety does not only apply to our family lives, this feeling is also experienced in relationships. Someone who may have had a high school sweetheart throughout their teen years may have become dependent on that person and pictured their entire lives with them, then when college came around they had to go their separate ways and that person lost touch with their life and questioned the purpose of anything without their other half. Some couples can withstand the distance, but others cannot cope with this separation and completely spiral downwards. It is important that we remember that we are already whole and do not need an “other half”, we do not own other people, and we can not depend on another human for happiness. Everything we love is not separate from us. All those things that we admire in people we love that are no longer in our lives, those qualities live in us. This is because everyone we meet in this life has an effect on us, and everyone that we love has an enormous effect on us.
These past experiences can make it hard to say goodbye, it could make us shut down when we are left alone, and it could block us from future opportunities because we are afraid of losing or being let down. No matter how we cope with loss, we cope, and the beauty is: we can rewire our brains to cope in a healthy way. Just because we had a painful breakup or rough childhood does not mean that this has to be the pattern of our lives. Imagine hugging that younger self when they are going through loss, tell them everything is going to be okay and this is all happening for a reason. When we nurture our inner child, we are transforming our present world. Everything is connected and separation is only as real as we make it.